Blowing off some steam!!!

[HVAC SuperTech]

Its loooooooong, be ready. if you dont read it all I understand.

We got married in April 2007. My family didnt like my finace because of her being opposite of me. I am an extrovert, she an intervert. I am a money spender, shes a money saver. You get the point. We make a WONDERFUL couple. I lover her with all my heart. Thats not the problem. I knew the holidays were gonna be rough, and they have already started. Mom and dad hate my wife. They backed out of the wedding a week before it happened, and then wanted to be in it 3 days later! Then, they were late to the pre wedding pictures and the wedding itself. Ever since we have been married, they have seperated themselves from us by saying crap about Jenn(my wife) and trying to wedge in between our relationship. And it started to work a little. Everytime I talk to my mom, no matter what the subject, we always end up fighting. And Jenn sees my attitude change and doesnt like it. Jenn and I have tried to resolve things, and then they always go back to being bad again. Shes a RN, and mom even threatened to try to get her fired if I didnt come talk to her and resolve one of these conflicts that we had. Mom and dad hold many grudges and are VERY stubborn. Jenn doenst want to get hurt again, so she doenst want to go and start fighting with them. Mom and dad havent seen our new house we built yet. They have all the excuses in the book. I went down to mom and dads for dinner tonight, Jenn stayed home. All was good except dad didnt talk to me hardly. And mom and I were good. Tonight I asked her on the phone why dad didnt talk to me much, and she said hes not happy with your wife acting the way she does. "she didnt even come down for family dinner!!!" is what she said. I asked her what that had to do with our relationship, and she told me that dad dint appreciate it and thats why hes mad at me. My dad was diagnosed with Terminal Lung Cancer in January this year. Its been real bad dealing with everything. I dont know if this is gonna be dads last year here or not. I have tried everyhting to resolve this, and nothing works. I wanna say "F" it and never look back, but I always hear about regrets later. But this is crap, how are things supposed to be worked out if they keep screwing it up? I cant win. Its gonna be a bad Christmas......I can already tell.....

I wish I could put emotion in this, this is how it went: I started writing in rage, and ended up in tears. That about covers it

[rankroddin250]

sorry about your family problems budd. hang in there. it will get better. your wife and mother may never like each other but they will learn to tolerate each other with time.
in the mean time spend as much time with your dad as posible. patch every thing else up later.

good luck budd and try to have a happy thanksgiving.

[2005F250]

I also have family problems too.

[natestage3gt]

Maybe try explaining to your dad that everyone knows the situation and if they don't like her, why would they want her at dinner or why would she want to come? Your father, more than anyone, should not act like he did tonight. Having an illness and all you would think he would want to spend as much time with you as possible especially during the holiday season. My brother and his wife had issues with her family for the longest time until one day he got fed up and went over there unannounced and more or less layed down the law on them. He was respectful but forceful at the same time. Not only do people look like a$$es in these situations, they run the risk of losing their own children b/c they can't act like an adult. As parents they should be more understanding and if your wife could do anything to not annoy them while she is in their presence, it would help also. It's gotta be a compromise between them and there is no reason one can not be reached. I'm not psychiatrist but I think you would regret saying "F" it. Try to work it out, after all it is worth it.

[westcoaststrokin]

What you need to realize is that you and her are what's important. Your family doesn't have to like her or accept her and you don't have to like her family or accept them. However each family needs to respect the fact that each of you makes the other happy. That is what marriage is all about. If you don't put your foot down now you will eventually pay in the long wrong. That is from 12 years of experience.

[sawyer1]

Sorry for your problem I had the same thing but her parents diddnt like me (still kind of touch and go) But we love each other and im not trying to be married to my parents since she will most likely be the person i wake up to every morning. And for the christmas its your first christmas together enjoy it together and try to deal with the other stuff later. And like rankroddin said they will learn to tolerate each other. Just my two cents. Good Luck.

[HVAC SuperTech]

Yeah family problems are no good. Been that way the past 10 years. I dunno how I am supposed to spend time with my dad when he doesnt wanna see me or talk to me. I was hoping to be able to talk to him tonight alot, bcause we havent talked in a little while, but he doesnt seem to want to talk to me too much because of my wife. Thats the only reason that my mom will give me.

[ABOBB]

Man.. that's rough.

I kinda know how you feel. I have family that can't seem to let go. They seem to still want to make decisions for me. My situation didn't end up like yours did.. but it still has been rough. I finally had to put my foot down. Told my mom that I love them all, miss them all, and want to visit. But there would be rules. I didn't want certain topics mentioned. I didn't want people offering me advice if I hadn't asked for it. If any of the rules got broken... I'd stop whatever I was doing (including eating) politely say good bye and thank you to everyone.. and leave. It was mom (and everyone else's) choice. What was more important to them, my company, or telling me what to do and how to live. Things have still be somewhat strained, but have been calm ever since. No more arguments... because I won't participate.

[rankroddin250]

Originally Posted by xsracinggt

Yeah family problems are no good. Been that way the past 10 years. I dunno how I am supposed to spend time with my dad when he doesnt wanna see me or talk to me. I was hoping to be able to talk to him tonight alot, bcause we havent talked in a little while, but he doesnt seem to want to talk to me too much because of my wife. Thats the only reason that my mom will give me.

I would imagine with terminal cancer comes allot of depresion knowing that the end is near. Im thinking your father is an emotional roller coaster rite now. give him a couple of days and give him a call. Im sure he will have good days and bad days. you should try and be there for him for both.

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Last edited by rankroddin250 : 11-22-2007 at 09:37 PM.

[HVAC SuperTech]

Thanks guys, your words really help. I am married to my wife not my parents. And I dont see why they cannot accept that. I know its about me and her, and not them. Its just that I have a hero complex and try to fix everything. Some of you have this?