Kid Problems - Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum
Wives/ Girlfriends/ Kids Forum For all the people that put up with the addiction to get addicted themselves!!!

Powerstroke.org is the premier Diesel Truck Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-01-2011, 03:30 PM
Still Alive



 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Silverdale, WA
Posts: 27,581
Thanks: 5
Thanked 16 Times in 11 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via Skype™ to westcoaststrokin
Kid Problems

Ok so we have a 12 year old that is an angel. She does what we ask of her and doesn't complain. Like all kids she has her moments but get through them with a rationale conversation with us.

The problem is our 6 year old. The wife and I are at wits end on how to deal with her. She is defiant, she screams, she hits and kicks us, screams at us and will not do anything that we ask of her. She refuses to have a conversation with her without her throwing a fit and taking her out in public is pure hell because of her behavior.

We have tried time out, spankings, loss of privileges, groundings, taking away her things etc. Nothing that we have tried has worked. She has pushed the wife and I to the point of constant frustration. What are some things that you have done for a defiant child? There has to be something that we have missed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2  
Old 08-01-2011, 03:43 PM
Super Moderator

 

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Orangevale, CA
Posts: 11,966
Thanks: 23
Thanked 135 Times in 129 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
It seems like you've tried all the normal stuff. Obviously, her behavior is not acceptable to you. I'm also going to assume that this behavior is only when she is upset by something - When she's in a better mood, she doesn't display this? Just guessing? Any big family event that she could be holding in? (family pet death, family member death, a friend move away???)

How is she at school, other social events?

Have you considered some kind of family counseling for her w/ you & your wife? Just a suggestion. Don't remember if the Navy offers something like that or if you have to seek out your own.

Another thing....it's easy to think when stuff like this happens that you're a bad parent. Fight the urge to take that on. You have an example in your older daughter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #3  
Old 08-01-2011, 03:59 PM
Still Alive



 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Silverdale, WA
Posts: 27,581
Thanks: 5
Thanked 16 Times in 11 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via Skype™ to westcoaststrokin
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperCrutyPS View Post
It seems like you've tried all the normal stuff. Obviously, her behavior is not acceptable to you. I'm also going to assume that this behavior is only when she is upset by something - When she's in a better mood, she doesn't display this? No when we let her do her thing she is happy and very well behaved although she is not a solo play kid.Just guessing? Any big family event that she could be holding in? (family pet death, family member death, a friend move away???) None that I am aware of. Friends have moved it is the nature of the beast when you live in a Military community.

How is she at school, other social events? School they say she is good but disorganized. She gets decent grades. Social events she always wants to be the center of attention or she is very clingy.

Have you considered some kind of family counseling for her w/ you & your wife? Just a suggestion. Don't remember if the Navy offers something like that or if you have to seek out your own.
The Navy does offer it but their answer will be she has ADHD and put her on Ritalin. I don't buy that she is ADHD. She can sit and read or play games for quite a while without losing focus.

It takes every ounce of my being to not drop into Chief mode with her. I have done it once and it was a complete meltdown on her part.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #4  
Old 08-01-2011, 05:57 PM
Still Alive



 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Silverdale, WA
Posts: 27,581
Thanks: 5
Thanked 16 Times in 11 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via Skype™ to westcoaststrokin
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #5  
Old 08-01-2011, 05:57 PM
Still Alive



 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Silverdale, WA
Posts: 27,581
Thanks: 5
Thanked 16 Times in 11 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via Skype™ to westcoaststrokin
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #6  
Old 08-01-2011, 06:15 PM
Premium Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Tucson AZ
Posts: 357
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Chief mode might be the answer. She may not want to have a complete meltdown every time. Remember she moved in with you not the other way around. You are still the provider for her and she needs to know that. I hope you find what you are looking for and have success. Good luck and God Bless!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #7  
Old 08-01-2011, 06:17 PM
Banned
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,012
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 2 reviews
Well I'm no father, but there could be a few different things at play from my limited experience. Assuming nothing els is at play like ADD or ADHD, some kids are just more work. I'd take her to the doctor and see if she has any type of attention deficit disorder and go from there, because that will determine how you go forward. There may be medications to help calm her, or she may need counceling. Punishing a kid with a mental disorder like ADD or ADHD is just as bad as punishing a kid with any other mental disorder (I can say this cause I have ADD, don't ever tell anyone cause I hate when people always use it as an excuse to get out of things. Just figured I'd say it so I can say I'm speaking from experience. Never took any meds or anything, and never was the best kid in school.)

First of all, you can't compare the daughters to eachother. The worst thing you could do is say "why can't you be more like your sister" or anything similar. They are two different human beings and thats just not fair.

So many assume its just the kid wanting to act out, but its not always the case. From what I've seen, the ones that act out are the ones that just need activities all the time. Give her something to do that makes it fun for her when your out in public. Talk about things that she enjoys even if it bores the hell out of you just so shes on a topic she wants to talk about.

I can't give many examples of what to do because I dont know your daughter, thats what you'll have to figure out, but there is always something to do.

I was walking out of target yesterday and heard a lady scream at her daughter "don't make me hit you" right behind me. I just thought to myself I wonder where she learned screaming at the top of her lungs at?"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #8  
Old 08-01-2011, 06:29 PM
Still Alive



 

Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Silverdale, WA
Posts: 27,581
Thanks: 5
Thanked 16 Times in 11 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via Skype™ to westcoaststrokin
I don't compare them to each other. If I was to take her to a counselor I would not use the Navy. They tried to diagnose me with ADHD and put me on ritalin.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #9  
Old 08-01-2011, 06:45 PM
Premium Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,314
Thanks: 4
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
Your daughter sounds allot like my neighbor , and very good friend's kid . He has all of the same problems you described . They have been through counseling , doctors , ect . They finally took him to a different dr. The diagnosed the child with mild autism . He is now on some medication and is a completely different child . Anyway , not saying that's your child's problem but it's something to check into .

I hope you figure it all out . I know how frustrated my neighbors were until they got it figured out .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #10  
Old 08-01-2011, 07:52 PM
Banned
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,012
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 2 reviews
Well it sounds like you've had some bad luck with navy provided doctors, so I'd work to find another civilian one. It may even take more than one like was said above.

And that all depends on if that is actually the issue. We can't medicate all problems, and it may take some work on both parts, probably moreso on yalls since your the older ones in the situation, but it will be necessary now to save bigger issues in the future as she gets older and starts making her own decisions.

Like I said earlier, I have no idea what she does when she acts out, or where it happens, so its hard to even make any suggestions, but I'd start with changing the subject when it looks like things are starting to go downhill...or just walk away with her and have a calm conversation explaining what shes doing wrong.

Don't immediately go into the threatening mode of "I'm gonna spank you" or "no tv" or "no toys" etc. Kids of that age dont care about 2 hours from now and all that is going to do is cause another conflict later in the day. Its kind of scolding a dog for pooping on the carpet when you get home from work that he put there hours ago...he probably doesn't even remember doing it and just thinks your yelling at him for random poop on the ground.

I'm not saying being authoritative isn't necessary in some situations, but its not always necessary and if you stay calm, she will. Kids that age don't just get angry for no reason...that doesn't come until the teens...

Good luck though man, I know its frustrating. I have a cousin whos wife and him used to have to deal with this kind of thing, and they studied and changed their whole approach to discipline and they never have any problems since. Being calm and assertive works a lot better than being loud and abrupt
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:07 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.1
Garage Plus, Vendor Tools vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.

vB.Sponsors