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  #1  
Old 07-22-2011, 08:32 AM
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9 Years on my life...wasted.

*Not posting this for sympathy, just need to vent.*

The woman of my life dumped me last night, I came home after working a 16 hour day, (She did not live with me) to find my house wide open, my dog missing, all her stuff gone, and a "dear john" letter with her diamond ring and the keys to my house on the table.

I'm not perfect, no illusions of being so, but neither is she. But I just can;t understand what would make someone treat someone like that. I am one of those TOO-honest people, tell you what I think whether you like it or not. Not gonna say I never bit my tongue, I did, but If I didn't like something or didn't want to do it, I voice my opinion. I refer to it a being HONEST.

I thought about calling the cops but decided against it. Instead drove 70 miles to her "residence" after being up for close to 20 hours. Go there and waited. She finally arrived after midnight, and I begged her to talk to me. (I took my dog back while she was gone.) She resisted, but finally talked.

In the 10 years I have known her I have NEVER seen the ice-cold, emotionless side of her, and it just about killed me. I told her that if this is REALLY what she wanted, fine, but I needed to know the truth and WHY.

Basically, without a shred of emotion or regret, she proceeded to tell me it's because I didn't support her, (I had been encouraging her to get her certifications for her job, EMT- and she just FINALLY got accepted to an intermediate class.) and that she hadn't loved me in a while.

"We just grew apart."

Ok.... since when?

"Sophomore year of college. I wanted to break up then."

WHAT??? 5 years ago??? 5 years????

Needless to say, I'm a freakin wreck, and have no idea what to do with myself. I am now stuck with a HUGE house that I got because SHE wanted to be married/live together/have a family, and everything I have worked for seems a waste now, I have spent the prime of my life with this "woman," and she just calls it quits out of nowhere.

I guess that's just how it goes. Not like i haven't had little hints here and there, the last year or so has occasionally been hostile off and on, and It's honestly been on my mind that it may had been time to end it. I just couldn't do it.

I guess she could.
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:38 AM
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Damn, dude. That's a tough one, but no matter how discouraged you are now, it wasn't in vain. Learn something from it and be a better man. This doesn't sound like you were "the reason" so this was HER issue. Try not to lump all women in this category because there are good ones out there, just not the one you spent so much time and attention on... Best of luck and try (as quickly as possible) to move on.
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToMang07 View Post
*Not posting this for sympathy, just need to vent.*

Needless to say, I'm a freakin wreck, and have no idea what to do with myself. I am now stuck with a HUGE house that I got because SHE wanted to be married/live together/have a family, and everything I have worked for seems a waste now, I have spent the prime of my life with this "woman," and she just calls it quits out of nowhere.

I guess that's just how it goes. Not like i haven't had little hints here and there, the last year or so has occasionally been hostile off and on, and It's honestly been on my mind that it may had been time to end it. I just couldn't do it.

I guess she could.
I can see this is a big blow to you - It would be to anyone. Take this time to think things through. Meaning....don't plot to go flatten all of her tires or put sugar in her gas tank or ???, etc. Process what's happened...you were already thinking this should be done, so think about what you're going to do going forward. Don't rush anything. Take your time...you'll make better decisions.

FWIW: Sorry you're having to go through this.
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Old 07-22-2011, 09:09 AM
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Holy smokes man. I am sorry, that is not something that is probably easy to go though, I haven't but my dad is in the middle of a "separation" as my step mom wants to call it, and is destroying him badly and hate to see it happen. As said before take the time to think things through, gather what you can to move forward. Best of luck to you! I'm sure you have the moral support of the ORG.
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Old 07-22-2011, 09:11 AM
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At least you got your dog back.
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:01 AM
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Thats a bit heartless. Sucks to have to go through. I feel for ya man.
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:22 AM
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Chin up dude! I understand its a way poopy situation, but from the outside it couldnt have been better. No messy breakup, arguing, throwing things, broken furniture, dv or anything else. Be glad it wasnt a cheating issue, those hurt a whole lot more. A nice clean break, gather your thoughts and move on. Keep your eyes open..... there are plenty of really good women out there. And a house is never a bad thing to own. If you have to get a roomate to help fill the place up. Female roomates arent allways a bad thing. Maybe some strippers? lol. It will work out bud.
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:25 AM
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D*mn 9 years is a long time, hang in there man youve still got the truck and the dog
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:28 AM
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Tom,

Any loss is painful, whether it being the result of a death or the dissolution of a relationship. Everyone says the same old thing, "It'll get better as time goes on." This, of course, is true but it doesn't help the way you feel right now. Just try to take comfort that there or folks who understand what you're feeling as many of us have been in the same boat.

As for wasting 9 years? Try not to look at it that way. Life is about experiences, not about how long you can sustain a relationship. If you were trying to hit that "Golden Anniversary" at some point in your life, well then you might not make that mark. But don't think that you've wasted anything. Take a little time, regroup, and then move forward with the experience and knowledge you gained from your relationship.

Just a little background... I was married once before to my high school sweetheart. We were married for exactly 10 years and 10 days and during that time we've had our share of ups and downs. After being cheated on several times, separated for 10 months, and finally dealing with the lifestyle she adopted (drug related), I couldn't take any more. I had to make the decision to leave everything I had behind (kids, house, and even friends) and move on with my life. It was the hardest and best decision I ever made. I found Corey and we have a relationship that I never had with my ex-wife, not to mention two spectacular boys. I don't regret the time I spent in my first marriage because I have three great children from it and it showed me what I DIDN'T want in a relationship. Without it, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am wiser for the knowledge I gained, and a better person for what I've learned.

It may sound corny, but it's something I found to be true time and time again... God has a plan for us all. Don't look at this is a bad thing. Learn from it and use the knowledge to better yourself and look for a better opportunity.

Take care, bud.
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  #10  
Old 07-22-2011, 10:30 AM
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Damn brother. Sorry to hear about that. Its bad and it may seem like chit now, but IMO you can use it as an opportunity. You could ditch the big house if you want, go back to being a bachelor. I mean hell, you say you wasted the prime of your life... I once heard and old man say "You're only out of your prime when you give up on it". Guy was 81 and said this before he went and climbed on his harley. Chin up brother
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