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Old 07-01-2011, 12:14 AM
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Cool Is family drama normal?

To make a long story short, my wife (an only child) has 5 cousins. These sisters and their mom create and thrive on drama and causing problems with everyone in the family. One of the sisters (Karri) is pretty down to earth and tries not to involve herself in it but she won’t stand up to any of them and put them in their place. She would rather “forgive and forget” instead of pointing out to their lies, manipulation and deceit to them because they are her family. Myself, I’ve written them all off about a year ago when their mom directly lied to the whole family, implicating that I was the one that leaked why one of the sisters was getting a divorce. She painted me to the family as such a really bad person. I called her out on it (in front of the whole family) and the truth came out that the mom was the one that let the cat out of the bag. Ever since then, I have still been the bad guy because I called her out and humiliated her in front of everyone and my wife and I have not been invited to some of the family function because of it, to avoid any unnecessary tension.
So Karri were having a discussion tonight about how accepting and dealing with this lying, cheating, manipulating type of behavior is really just enabling it and teaching their kids that this is ok. Especially since my wife and I are still being punished for what the MIL did just enables the $hi+bag MIL even more. She agreed that is wasn't right but disagreed and said that since it is family that you have to tolerate it and going against them would be in vane. She also said that since my wife is an only child that she would be oblivious to the dynamic of family drama and that is why we are having a problem with them. She also says that family drama is normal.

Well is it?

Is drama normal because don’t have it with any of my brothers or cousins.
I believe that this type of bull is a learned behavior and that if it is not corrected then it becomes accepted.
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Old 07-01-2011, 06:19 AM
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I agree with you. All families have drama, but it doesn't have to be how YOU live YOUR life.

I dragged my wife away from her screwed up family and suddenly the drama stopped in our family (for the most part). I'm happier for it and could care less if we aren't involved in their "family" functions. If they wanted to see my kids (their cousins, grand children, niece/nephew), they had to do it on MY terms and I don't tolerate that BS.

My wife realized how much easier things seemed to be without them in our lives and she can't STAND the crap that they pull.
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Old 07-01-2011, 06:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by osue077 View Post
I believe that this type of bull is a learned behavior and that if it is not corrected then it becomes accepted.
Learned behavior that will go from generation to generation unless someone stands up and does something or everyone involved has had enough bickering for the sake of bickering.
I say, good for you for standing up and letting the MIL know that BS won't be accepted in YOUR home.

Sure, every Family has it share of drama. What I have always done is that if it did not have an effect on me directly, its none of my business what is going on and I stay out of it. Good for you that you are doing the same.
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Old 07-01-2011, 07:27 AM
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This isn't a scene from the "Housewives of New Jersey," is it? Just kidding around.....

Seriously, as others have said, 'some' drama will always be present if for no other reason than there are other people in the family. No one sees eye-to-eye on everything. I think it's how you deal with it that makes the difference. I agree with you that if it isn't dealt with at all, then people accept it as normal even if they still don't agree with it. If NOTHING is ever said the instigator will continue to bring drama until they are shut down....in some cases, they have to be ganged up on by many family members or they will just blast one person's point of view, as you experienced. I also agree that is a learned behavior. The more the younger generation witnesses it and sees that it is....accepted or, at least, tolerated, they, too, will probably exhibit that behavior.

My 'drama' came early in our marriage. I was 20, wife was 18. I had joined the Navy and had moved to San Diego for training and later where my ship was stationed. My MIL would constantly tell us what we should or shouldn't do, how much money to spend or not spend, blah, blah, blah. I would rant about it to my wife. I finally wrote my MIL a letter and told her to stop. We are now married, we are trying to live our lives and while I would appreciate 'advice', I didn't want to be TOLD what I have to do. Quit thinking of us as children. Yeah, we didn't talk to the inlaws for about 6 months. BUT....when we did finally, amazingly, things were much different and we got some awesome advice and suggestions. Since then, we have had a great relationship. That was over 35 years ago.
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Old 07-01-2011, 10:41 AM
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is it normal, a little is normal, yes. but no, its not a good thing to tolerate. there is quite a bit of drama in my family because my dads first wife has power of attorney over him and basically abuses that power. and her daughter doesn't help the situation. I think everyone who bit***s at me is just mad that I have a bigger truck then all of their husbands. the daughter's husband had a 3500 with the cummins and sold it for a diesel jeep. and the one that is the mom's minion that actually takes care of my dad, her husband has a ram 2500 cummins
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Old 07-01-2011, 04:34 PM
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I am glad to see that I am not the only one that has to deal with this shiznit. I am very fortunate that my wife is not a drama queen and that she isn't afraid to speak her mind (althought that had it's own challenges too).

In all honesty, I think they are all haters because I am a 100% American cowboy. I drive a bad *** diesel, my cowgirl drives a lifted Cherokee on 33"s - I have 4 amazing horses and most of all, a daughter that is just like Jess and me.
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Old 07-03-2011, 02:41 PM
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Normal, yes to a point. There's plenty on my wife's side and was some on my dad's side when I was a kid. It ended when dad died for that side, really before then as I chose not to see them or deal with them. Her side got better once we were married for a year or so. Her sister kept trying to butt in, but got caught up in her own divorce. It always seemed like she was worried about either keeping up or being ahead of us. I ended up with a great paying job [double her current husband's almost] and I guess she finally let it go. We don't have kids/they do, we don't refinance the house every other year/they did. The economy caught up with them, while it slowed us. I could care less what I drive as long as the air works along with the radio, they kept trading vehicles. She actually has become better to be around and got more family like. She could get better, by offering a glass of cold water for the free help when I drive 150 miles round trip though. The only advice I can offer is put as much space between it and you as you can. Leave any personal info about your happenings out of conversations with them or shared relatives until your ready for the world to know. There's thing my sis in law doesn't know or need to know about finances and things of that nature. I've got friends that I consider family for my side and just disowned the others that couldn't act right. Family are people who help you when your down and out, answer the phone at 3 A.M. with the words ''I'll be right there'', and help you along in life. If you can answer yes to those questions for each of them, they're not close family.
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Old 07-06-2011, 10:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NIT2WN View Post
Family are people who help you when your down and out, answer the phone at 3 A.M. with the words ''I'll be right there'', and help you along in life.
You are exactly right, that is how I see it as well. Cheers!
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