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post #1 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
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In a pickle

Need some help guys. The fiance and I are in a major disagreement, and looking to see how far off I am. (possible relationship ending)

She wants baby #2, I don't. When we first started dating way back we had both stated we wanted 2 kids. But below is my reasoning for not wanting a 2nd. (and a lil background)

Here's my reasons why I don't want to try for baby #2.

We've been off and on for 10 years now. We now have a happy 2 y/o daughter, but she almost wasn't here. the fiance has had 11 miscarriages, and her pregnancy with my daughter wasn't the best. She was put on bed rest, and went in for a checkup every week. Every week she was admitted for monitoring, and released. My daughter was born 6 weeks early, and she spent a week in NICU. Every movie/show I've ever watched when the baby cries when it comes out. Well, I didn't get that. My daughter came out blue, not breathing, and got put on a table. I got to watch them work on my daughter for several minutes before she let out a cry, or anything. That hurt to see. She was blocked from seeing any of this.

Now she thinks I'm an a-hole, that I lied to her, and that I'm punishing her by not wanting to try for a second baby. as far as I'm concerned, with our track record, it's dangerous to try for another. we could lose the baby again, or worse, lose her. I've told her all this MANY times, but she still insists that she wants another one. To the point that she wanted to know last night what the chances are that we will have another one. That she wanted to know before we got married, so that she could work it out with her therapist and see if she can go on without baby number 2, or if she had to leave.


I don't see how I am being unreasonable. I need to know if and where I am wrong. Please send me your thoughts. And no, i don't want to hear any "replace her" Lines.

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post #2 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 10:46 AM
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I don't have kids, but hear me out.

I don't see a problem. Whatever happens is in God's hands, not yours. Part of the fun is trying to have kids.

Years ago, I would have been a father now. She would have been about 14 now. I guess it wasn't meant to be. We broke up and I still haven't spoken to her. It REALLY ****ed me up for a LONG time. Technically, there were MANY occasions after that I should have become a father and nothing happened.

Now I'm married to a wonderful woman for about 9 years now. We don't have any children, but now my wife is wanting children. I'm not sure how this will work out, but I'm not willing to lose my wife over it. If we have children, GREAT! If not, We will adopt. There are so many children out there with out families. Even if we have a child of our own, I'll probably adopt a child.

As far as the "dangerous" part you mentioned. My wife has some medical issues and has been advised that it would be best that she "not" have children. That made her want children more. I argued a bit with her about it, and I learned about TRUE passion, desire, and love that women carry for having\being able to have children.

DO NOT take the subject of children lightly with a woman. If she wants another child, then do it. Don't think about the problems of the past. Think about the joy you have now. Thinking that you are avoiding pain and suffering now, could lead you to a road where you lose them both.

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post #3 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 10:48 AM
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Oh yeah, by the way.. I'll e-punch the first "replace her" poster in the throat.

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post #4 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 11:07 AM
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One thing you must remember in this situation is that her wanting a child is just as strong of a feeling as you not wanting a child. Both of our children were gifts from GOD we did not "plan" anything. We were prepared if it happened but did not write the script. BTW our first was 8 weeks early with a birth weight of 3lbs15oz. Went down to 3 7 and was in NICU for 20 days. Came home on the apnea monitor and all that. I do not wish that on anyone but it is something you just do. I would have LOTS of communication with your wife and pray about it if your into that kind of thing. It will work out. One of the things you mention is the thought of your wifes safety in the process. It shows you still care for her but you have thought you might let her leave just for wanting to have another child desperatly. Something to consider.

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post #5 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 11:25 AM
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I have an older brother, when my mom carried him and when he was born it was just as you described with your child in almost every detail. My Mom and Dad had the same concerns you are having about another child but they decided to try again and I was born five years later. My Mom said that I was the easiest pregnancy she could imagine with the exception that I didnt want to be born and she carried me ten months to the day when they finally took me by c-section.
I'm not saying that this will be the case with you and yours but it could be so go make another baby
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post #6 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Tone View Post
I have an older brother, when my mom carried him and when he was born it was just as you described with your child in almost every detail. My Mom and Dad had the same concerns you are having about another child but they decided to try again and I was born five years later. My Mom said that I was the easiest pregnancy she could imagine with the exception that I didnt want to be born and she carried me ten months to the day when they finally took me by c-section.
I'm not saying that this will be the case with you and yours but it could be so go make another baby

Exactly. And I'm glad you are around.

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post #7 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 12:35 PM
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I am complpetely understanding in this except it's me that wants number two however the wife and I are BOTH scared to death the worst could happen. I lost 2 children in a miscarriage while I was overseas and it was heartbreaking, but you have to remember when you have a baby it'ss a blessing, but it's scary knowing you could lose the one you love. I say if you love her truly, and it sounds like you do, you should truly try and give her that second child if it will help both of your relationship out.

good luck brother and I hope very much you figure it out.

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post #8 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 12:55 PM
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My wife and i lost one last year around the end of november. It wasn't panned, but we were so excited and then that happened. Well since then, my wife has wanted to try for another one so bad. Well she is pregnant again and we just confirmed it at the doc last friday. My wife has a real large risk of cancer on her side of the family and doctors told her to get tested for the gene before having kids. She didn't but like the others said children are a gift from God and he obviously wanted us to have them even with the risks involved with breast cancer. I would personally set aside your worries and let what happens happen. Also on my side of the family my oldest brother almost died about 6 times in his first 2 yrs of life due to asthma, but my parents even after all they went thru with him still had 2 more boys and we are all alive and doing well today.

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post #9 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 01:06 PM
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Every time I see this thread.. I think "pickle tickle".





sorry.

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post #10 of 49 Old 03-21-2010, 01:13 PM
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Oh nice Dirk. LOL

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