rant.....

[wriott]

ok first i want everyone to know that i LOVE my wife more than anything!!!


ok this is kinda a rant/looking for advice....

ok let me set the scene... My wife and i met while i was training horses and showing all over the country, she had her horses with another trainer that also went to majority of the shows that we went to. She was going thru a divorce (a BAD one) well long story short we started dating and ended up gettin married in august of 08. we met and started dating in 05.

now lets jump forward to current times... i am no longer training horses for a living as i tore up my legs pretty bad in a horse accident and the economy took a dive. She is a school teacher the whole time since i met her and still currently is. I came into the relationship with no debt and she had alot from the divorce and buying out the rest of the partners in the company. I am a state highway inspector and make pretty dang good money, but i also put in at least 13 hour days in and sometimes i dont get a day off for months on end.

Now what i am upset about and dont know what to do or maybe im just being retarded... my wife takes care of all the bills and handles all the money as she has more time to do it as i am always working. she is still into the horses... not as active as she was when we met but is still active in them. i love that she enjoyes it and i encurage her to go to shows and have fun. i never say she cant do anything as she controls the money and she is smart enough to know what we can afford and can not afford. but here is my problem, as we just got in a huge fight about this morning when i was leaving for work... i asked her if i i was able to get some money out of savings for some parts for the truck. now the truck is my ONLY hobby i have as i dont have time for anything else. well she gets all upset and says that i cant have any money becasue i dont need to modify the truck, its fine the way it is... she kept on going about how i waste money and bla bla bla... (you all know how it goes).

i wouldnt have a problem with her saying that if it were true... but i dont spend money on ****!!!! i have a company truck with a company fuel card... i pack my own lunches... i can make $20 last 2 weeks. i dont spend anything but here i am forking out close to $3K per month on the horses just to sit in the barn, the trailer to sit in the drive way. plus im forking out money to pay for my 2000 that is doing work for the company.... plus anytime she wants to do anything we go do it with no questions asked from my part or her part... anytime i want to do something all i hear is *****ing and complaining out we have no money... well i know she makes it worse then what it is because we have enough in the savings to cover all the bills for a year with some to spare.

plus when i wanted to get some money i already have most of it paid back. i got TONS of parts i have to sell from tractors to a complete PSD parts truck i got. i have tons of performance parts to get rid of. i was plannin to pay for all of my parts i wanted with the sale of my extra parts but i came accross a deal that i cant pass up (it will end up saving me about 10 grand in parts if i buy the whole setup rather than buy parts seperatly).

i dont know if any of this makes scence but ohhh well, just want to find out what your opinions are...

do i have the right to feel upset???

[bockhold]

well i think so. i mean if she still likes the horses and spends nearly 3k on them, shouldnt you have some spending money on your hobby? are you both putting your pay checks to one acct and she manages it?

[RYAN SHAE]

I have just about the same problem. My wife manages the money and all. Well I finally just started getting my pay check instead of direct depositing it. I go down take my 200 out of it and deposit the rest. That way whenever I need or want something then I can just go buy it and she has no say whatsoever. It has fixed all the fighting and she still gets to controll most of the money so I am not stepping on her toes. I know this doesn't fix the fact that you need the money now, but it might help in the future.

[wriott]

i cannot get my checks in hard copy, my work will only direct deposit it. i have tried to have her take and set half of my over time i get per check aside for me but she always says she cant or can only do part of it as there are other bills that have to get paid...

[20stroker02]

I feel your pain, in my opinion (most) women blow things out of proportion way to easy and try to make us out as the bad guys. I would try to calmly talk about it, it ain't easy but it's worth a shot. My wife and I have regular discussions (okay, battles) over finances, but she doesn't contribute any money for any of the bills, but when I want or need something that costs more than a hundred bucks she flips out. It's a sensitive subject for most marriages but hopefully you can work through it.

[DBM]

my son and his wife (myself as well...) had an issue like this, I advised him to set up a budget and in that budget, give yourself an allowance, if you save it you can by stuff, if you spend it all you wait...

[RYAN SHAE]

Well, if that don't work I would just get my own account and then let her bring you the bills and you can just write a check to her for that amount. She will soon see just how much her horse hobby is taking up and she "might" maybe start to see your point. I love my wife but if it ever gets any worse this is my next step and we will see if things start to change.

[carnival owner mikey]

its allwaays better to ask for forgiveness then beg for permission fellas

[daveyburt]

Originally Posted by 20stroker02

... I would try to calmly talk about it, it ain't easy but it's worth a shot. My wife and I have regular discussions (okay, battles) over finances, but she doesn't contribute any money for any of the bills, but when I want or need something that costs more than a hundred bucks she flips out. It's a sensitive subject for most marriages but hopefully you can work through it.

^^ agreed!
Maybe she was feeling a bit moody this morning and things went a little sideways. Give it a couple days and try to calmly make your point. I agree you have a right to be upset but starting a battle won't help much. -Maybe sell the stuff you need to, pocket the cash, and go buy what you want.

good luck!!

[Clay Henry]

I don't have this problem...i pay the bills and she spends what she wants when she wants but shes pretty frugal as well so i don't worry about that.