rant.....

[wriott]

Originally Posted by 20stroker02

I'd get smacked for this so don't tell my wife (or any other woman) It's in a woman's nature to be hypocritical and adhere to double standards, I believe it has to do with a woman trying to flex her power just like a evil dictator. What else would explain that men can only have sex when it is right for the woman, I know that as a man I am ready and willing at just about any time and place but the women control this power and they all know it. Look at it metaphorically, if you want to buy a toy or whatever you get the fifth degree (no we can't have sex, I'm tired!) if your woman wants to buy a $120 purse or $200 jeans to her it's okay (it's time honey!!) This might only make sense to married guys but it's just a little wisdom handed down threw my families male generations

now that right there makes perfect scense!!!! nice job

BTW... dont tell my wife i agreed with you

[20stroker02]

In order to combat this in your situation there are two ways I would suggest, choose only one!

1. If your gonna fight over things of this nature might as well buy what you want then proceed with the battle. (I've taken this approach and the outcome has varied)

2. Buy her something special to try and sweeten her up then buy what you wanted.
(I've also gone this route and it seemed to be a little easier. example: I wanted a Harley so in order to do so I had to buy my wife a new car. A little on the extreme side but this will work for just about any situation).

Hope this gives you some ideas!!

[GM Duraturd]

Originally Posted by wriott

i dont see how that could be, she gets what ever she wants when ever she wants... if she wants to go to horse shows im her biggest supporter. heck if she wants to do anything im supporting her. im not wanting her to give up on anything she likes to do. in the arguements she says shes gonna get rid of the horses... thats not gonna happen because i wont let her. she loves the horses and im not gonna make her give up anything that she loves. i love my wife with everything that i have plus more... i dont want her to be happy. i honestly could care less if i get the parts or not... if i cant i want a good reason, she has yet to give me one. but i also want to know why she always accuses me of spending money when i dont....

maybe its too much to ask for us men to try and understand women...

hmmm Minor typo I assume

[wriott]

Originally Posted by GM Duraturd

hmmm Minor typo I assume

yes that was a typo, thanks for point that out

[SuperCrutyPS]

I'm going to ask some questions - Don't answer here...it's none of my business.

Did money issues contribute to her divorce? Did they have more/less money than you two do? Was financial control an issue then? Unfortunately, many people carry baggage.

Having more/less money than before could affect how people look at their current situation. If they had more, they may want to get back to that level. If they had less, they want to control things so they don't go back to what it was before.

There have been a lot of good points from the other posters. When you talk to her and you may already have done this, assure her how much you love her, how much you support her and how much you want her to be happy. Ask her if she knows this. Somehow suggest that both hobbies are important to each of you and you'd like to be able to do yours.

No one said marriage is easy - Hang in there Will!

[palady6.4]

My 2 cents only so don't think I'm talking s**t or putting anybody down. So with that being said I know its easyer to say then do but I did it. My 1st women was like that, a real control freak I say you have 2 choices put your foot down and tell her who runs the house and you will do what you want with your money with in reason. Or get a new women thats what I did long story short the 1st one was nuts told me what I could buy and when and so on finally went down stairs and got my balls out of the jar in the basement and did somthing about it. Now the 2nd one even after 12 years with her I wear the pants and she will let me do or buy anything I want no questions asked as long as we can afford it. The only thing she says is has long as I'm not screwing around on her she doesn't care what I do. And why would I even thing about screwing somthing up this good. But I think you need to stand your ground a little, you don't have to be nasty but firm.good luck

[wriott]

Originally Posted by SuperCrutyPS

I'm going to ask some questions - Don't answer here...it's none of my business.

Did money issues contribute to her divorce? Did they have more/less money than you two do? Was financial control an issue then? Unfortunately, many people carry baggage.

Having more/less money than before could affect how people look at their current situation. If they had more, they may want to get back to that level. If they had less, they want to control things so they don't go back to what it was before.

There have been a lot of good points from the other posters. When you talk to her and you may already have done this, assure her how much you love her, how much you support her and how much you want her to be happy. Ask her if she knows this. Somehow suggest that both hobbies are important to each of you and you'd like to be able to do yours.

No one said marriage is easy - Hang in there Will!

she makes the same money as she did when she was married before, excpet for the cost of living increases. i make about 3 times more then what her ex did. the reason for their breakup was several reasons im not going to say but one of them was he was a HEAVY drinker EVERY day...

Originally Posted by palady6.4

My 2 cents only so don't think I'm talking s**t or putting anybody down. So with that being said I know its easyer to say then do but I did it. My 1st women was like that, a real control freak I say you have 2 choices put your foot down and tell her who runs the house and you will do what you want with your money with in reason. Or get a new women thats what I did long story short the 1st one was nuts told me what I could buy and when and so on finally went down stairs and got my balls out of the jar in the basement and did somthing about it. Now the 2nd one even after 12 years with her I wear the pants and she will let me do or buy anything I want no questions asked as long as we can afford it. The only thing she says is has long as I'm not screwing around on her she doesn't care what I do. And why would I even thing about screwing somthing up this good. But I think you need to stand your ground a little, you don't have to be nasty but firm.good luck

that is a very good point... however there is no way i could leave her... even though i am upset now... i would be even more upset without her in my life

[Rob]

I went through this with my wife. we HAD separate bank accounts for awhile because she was horrible with money. i told her that her money was hers, and my oney was mine. we would pay the bills, (i would take on more of the bills since i made more) and after that was done, the rest was hers or mine to do what we wanted with. well that didnt go over too well. we now have joint accoutns, but we discuss EVERY transaction. it is OUR money now. its not mine to say no to, or hers to say no to. we BOTH work.. I feel you have the right to spend a little here and there, especially if you are forking out tons of cash for horses and whatnot. ya have to be able to "pay yourself" in a sense.. you have to be able to buy things you want... personally, it will be a cold day in hell before i have to ask for money to buy something... i bust my butt so i refuse to ask permission to have a little extra cash. I think you two need to sit down and have a long talk about the money because its yours and hers, not hers or yours to control.

Money is tight around here sometimes, but we always manage to make ends meet without taking from ourselves or our kids. i told my wife i was considering buying a new truck, and it may raise the payment.. she said ok, i dont care.... just as long as we dont go without.. she goes out and does her hair appointments, and other girly things.. i say have fun.... you need to find a happy medium here, or it can just get worse.. financial issues are one of the biggest breakers of a marriage/relationship.. take care of it now before things have a chance of going south on ya...

[Raul@Stealth Automotive]

Originally Posted by Rob

I went through this with my wife. we HAD separate bank accounts for awhile because she was horrible with money. i told her that her money was hers, and my oney was mine. we would pay the bills, (i would take on more of the bills since i made more) and after that was done, the rest was hers or mine to do what we wanted with. well that didnt go over too well. we now have joint accoutns, but we discuss EVERY transaction. it is OUR money now. its not mine to say no to, or hers to say no to. we BOTH work.. I feel you have the right to spend a little here and there, especially if you are forking out tons of cash for horses and whatnot. ya have to be able to "pay yourself" in a sense.. you have to be able to buy things you want... personally, it will be a cold day in hell before i have to ask for money to buy something... i bust my butt so i refuse to ask permission to have a little extra cash. I think you two need to sit down and have a long talk about the money because its yours and hers, not hers or yours to control.

Money is tight around here sometimes, but we always manage to make ends meet without taking from ourselves or our kids. i told my wife i was considering buying a new truck, and it may raise the payment.. she said ok, i dont care.... just as long as we dont go without.. she goes out and does her hair appointments, and other girly things.. i say have fun.... you need to find a happy medium here, or it can just get worse.. financial issues are one of the biggest breakers of a marriage/relationship.. take care of it now before things have a chance of going south on ya...

Totally agree.... i would say its the #1 reason most people get a divorce over...

[wriott]

ohhh what to do, just got home here from work and i come up to the computer and see that a purchase was madefor a new knife set for the kitchen..... im just lost, frustrated, etc....

what to do....