How Do You Fix Something That Doesn't Want to Work?

[A-Wagz]

It just seems like no use.
I've tried talking things out, fighting things out, ignoring this, waiting things out, trying to make agreements, trying to change the routine/plan to make it work better for both of us...but the man and I just aren't sticking it out I guess.

He let me "own" his truck for 3 months when my parents sold the vehicle I was borrowing, he used to pick my son up for afternoons so I could have a break, he took me in when my parents threw my son and I out (yeah, I have kinda ****ty parents), he's been a father-figure for my son who got walked-out on by the real one. We've lived with him since May, done his laundry, cooked his dinner, picked his clothes off the floor, cleaned his truck, spent money on him nearly every weekend to get what he wants...
I got in a car accident a few months back and he wouldn't come pick me up, made a bunch of excuses (the car was totaled, btw.) He used to be so willing to help out with anything - fetch me a drink, just sit and talk to me or take us all for a drive, give the boy his bath, but now he just ignores us.
He gets up around 7 am, gets dressed, and leaves. He doesn't return until 7 pm some nights. I stopped cooking his dinner, since he was never home to eat. He doesn't work, he goes to school odd-hours and uses it as an excuse to not get any job. His parents pay for everything, including his truck and gas (which he drives around for hours every morning wasting, when they can't afford milk some weeks.)
I have limited daycare hours, but could work more if I had someone to watch my son in the am and take him to daycare (about an hour total.) I also have one night job once a week that I need a stay-at-home sitter for since it goes late. He used to LOVE watching the boy, but the last few weeks I've called out of work these days since he refuses to help out. It isn't like he doesn't want to deal with someone's kid - he has been aware of what a relationship with me means long before we were together and he has a melt-down over the boy every time I tell him it might be best if we both left. I think he actually loves the kid more than me.
We went to a stroker meet - stupid idea. He wanted us to go, talked about going as a family for months. I talked to the boy about it and got him all excited too. I dropped him off at the location that morning then went to get the kiddo (my mother had him the night before so I could work that night job.) On the way back to him, he calls me and asks me to go pick his friend up, who was totally out of the way and NOT into trucks whatsoever. (He was actually MY friend for many years first!) So, I picked him up to make the man happy, his day right? Well, the whole meet my poor son got completely ignored by his truck buddy. He just didn't want anything to do with us and didn't even tell anyone that we were with him. I snapped at one point and *****ed him out 'cause I just wanted 3 minutes to eat lunch that the boy did not want me to eat - I ended up throwing it out. I couldn't chase a 2 year old while spooning salad into my mouth.

He downright refuses to pick up his own underwear or wash his own clothes now. He won't put away his meds so that the boy can't eat them. He won't take 20 minutes off of the computer to watch the boy so that I can take a shower. He won't, he just won't do anything anymore. Whenever a problem arises and we talk it out, he simply tells me what I want to hear now, but never does it. He knows WHAT I want to hear in any situation and will happily hug and make up with more promises just to get me to back off and let him get laid for another week.

He is the total opposite of the man I fell in love with and was happy with for so long.

My son and I have nowhere to go but a shelter - there's no money after losing the daycare hours and one of my jobs. He knows this. He is also very well aware of the fact that I'm carrying his child.
Now what?

[05_PSD_Erik]

Wow...
I only have one piece of advice to give as I am only 23 and not really good with these kinds of things. Talk to the Big Man upstairs. He knows all about your situation and WILL help you through your troubles. Also, you need to do the best thing for you and the child you have now. And talk to a Social worker for the child you are carrying.

Beyond sending you my prayers and good wishes, this is all the advice I can render. I hope everything works out for you and God bless. I wish I could do more...

[DSL_PWR]

I would say either get counseling or move on, the rest you would not like to hear from me. I am brutally honest.

Good luck and I hope all works out.

[FiberglassEater]

well i honestly think to much was put on his plate to fast, i would sugest leaving him maybe he will realize what he needs to do. but if his parents are paying for everything then he really dont know how to be responsible...... maybe talk to his parents if thier so lovinbg towards him to pay all his bills.

[Farmerjohn]

Plain and simply walk away, Ive read a few of your other posts and its been working up to this..

Pm me if you want

[FiberglassEater]

Originally Posted by Farmerjohn

Plain and simply walk away, Ive read a few of your other posts and its been working up to this..

Pm me if you want

come under my arm ... i will make it better lol im just playing ....... sorry i just had to ....... but i think farmerjohn has the right idea though .....

[A-Wagz]

His mother went off on him this morning for not doing **** around the house.
She decided to ***** at me as well, but the satisfaction of her coming down on him was nice.

He tried to tell her he would do the things she wanted if she put gas in his truck first - she told him Monday he could get a ride to school from his father!

He "agreed" to taking responsibility for the boy one day a week again. I picked the day for him - the day he tries to go get drunk with his friends. I think it will teach him something if he will actually go through with it every week, but that's not likely. His response to starting today was "I'm tired, not a good day." As if I'M NOT tired? As if I could choose to sit on my *** all day? As if I EVER get a break? I haven't seen but one of my friends since graduation...venting....

He's trying to mow the lawn in the rain right now...

[Farmerjohn]

Originally Posted by FiberglassEater

come under my arm ... i will make it better lol im just playing ....... sorry i just had to ....... but i think farmerjohn has the right idea though .....

Hmmm, not quite, but Ive seen this situation many times

[TexasR.N.]

Originally Posted by DSL_PWR

I would say either get counseling or move on, the rest you would not like to hear from me. I am brutally honest.

X2. I see people in your situation or one like it, on a near daily basis. Their lives are chaotic, irresponsible actions and activities are the norm, kids suffer, drama, no money for milk or food, but money for beer, cigarettes, tattoos, etc.....

The two of you need to get your act together yesterday. If you can't, you had better start putting your energy towards finding a career that will support yourself and your kids. You are running around with a little boy right now.

Get an education. I have seen single mom's get their R.N. I am not saying this has to be the direction (nursing) for you, find something you like or are good at. Whatever you do start now.

And hopping from guy to guy won't improve your lot either. Be self-supporting, don't depend on someone else to take care of you.

Craig

[95dieselsmoke]

Originally Posted by TexasR.N.

X2. I see people in your situation or one like it, on a near daily basis. Their lives are chaotic, irresponsible actions and activities are the norm, kids suffer, drama, no money for milk or food, but money for beer, cigarettes, tattoos, etc.....

The two of you need to get your act together yesterday. If you can't, you had better start putting your energy towards finding a career that will support yourself and your kids. You are running around with a little boy right now.

Get an education. I have seen single mom's get their R.N. I am not saying this has to be the direction (nursing) for you, find something you like or are good at. Whatever you do start now.

And hopping from guy to guy won't improve your lot either. Be self-supporting, don't depend on someone else to take care of you.
Craig

I will second Craig on this one, and have highlighted my favorite parts... You really do seem like you are depending on him to make it all work. What is wrong with you putting a little effort forth yourself? Get out there and make it happen, if anything for your kids sake.