How many times do you have to say no?

[agriffin]

so I'getting married in December and since its getting clse we're starting to get RSVPs back. I was in formed yesterday that my great grandmother wont be coming because I didnt invite my mother to the wedding.

The reason I didnt invite my mother is because when I was 10 she started dating a man the physically abused me (Hospitalised twice) and mentally abused my sister. After 2 years my sister and I ran away. We were put in state custody then placed with my grandparents.

In the last 10 years I've spoken to my mother twice once in 07 and once in 2010. Neither time did she answer either on questions 1) why did you let it happen? 2) why did you chose to stay with him after we ran away?

My family (mothers side)has bugged me for 10 years to have a relationship with her again. Some of have finally just realised that it wont happen after not allowing them to see my children (taking them to see her behind my back) and not speaking to me back for 2 weeks back in april.

Is saying no for ten years not long enough for them to realise that a relationship of any sort will never happen with my mother and I?

Im just venting here have no where else to do it. Maybe looking for some insight from some who has gone thru a similar situation.

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[BIG Laing]

Wow, sorry to hear that. Is your mom scared of the pile of sh**?

Growing up I knew a girl whos step mother was abusive. It seemed like her dad was scared of his wife, so he never did anything to stop her. The girl split town before she was 18, havn't seen or heard about her since.

[agriffin]

I dont know if she is/was scared of him no one has every told me. To what my sister has told me there no longer together as of may.

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[JSchuricht]

Some people just don't get it. I didn't speak with my mother for 15 years aside from at a funeral and wedding and kept getting bugged about it. I didn't go to see her when she was hospitalized for terminal liver cancer and I dammed sure didn't go to her funeral but they did finally stop asking after she died. On a side note I was looking forward to pissing on her grave till I found out she was getting cremated.

[BIG Laing]

Originally Posted by agriffin

I dont know if she is/was scared of him no one has every told me. To what my sister has told me there no longer together as of may.

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That was my only guess. I don't understand why people would be bugging you about it after all these years. I am with you on this one though, No way in Hell would I invite her to what is suppose to be the happiest day of your life. I wouldn't want all that drama ruining anything.

[agriffin]

JSchuricht, I dont think I would go as far as pissing on her grave. She was in the hospital for surgury for dont know and dont care why never visited never asked what was wrong but shes not dead.

Big Laing, Most of the family stopped when I "dissapeared" for 2 weeks in april. My great grandmother is 87 and has nothing better to do I think. I dont think its possable to avoid drama on a wedding day

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[nitrogen]

why you ever invited anyone from that side of the family is beyond me.
"sorry folks but if you support her, we just don't have anything to talk about".
had a couple of the wife's uncles get nasty when I wasn't around. was a good thing i wasn't, they would have needed serious reassembly

[agriffin]

It was thst side of the family that got me out of there. The my grandparents on that side to pictures of what we lived in and took pictures or bruises and cuts on me. Contacted DHHS and gave them photos and other documents.
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[mattpopp]

Until she is able to talk to you and to close the gaps that are missing. You owe her nothing.

If you go to her now you are only assuming in your mind on what happened. There maybe just cause but you need to know from her. Otherwise I just see a mother to weak to fight for what was right for her children. Basically abandon y'all.

But I only know what I read in this thread and that is how I see it.

[PGreenSVT]

As hard as it is to say, tell those that keep bugging you that it is your decision to make and if they don't let it go you don't want anything to do with them either. For damn sure I wouldn't let anybody that took the kids to see her behind your back ever have them again. See them at a function of some kind ok but the kids shouldn't be around them unsupervised.

No you are not wrong and sometimes that's just the way it goes. My wife's ex husband is that kind of POS. My step daughter wants nothing to do with him and it's been 10 years now. His other daughter from a previous marriage also won't let him see her kids or come to the house. If she has to talk to him for some reason they meet in a public place. Stick to your guns and let your own feelings dictate what you are and aren't willing to do.