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One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cans
of soda and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a
steak and fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.
The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut,
which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 A.M. Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels like ****.
You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by, you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Friends reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke
--- yet you haven't pissed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side
of your face (or for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the bumper cars).
Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts.
Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five trips to the can you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the employee who sits in the next cubicle.
Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in a futile attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger is that was
passed out in your bed this morning.
Any attempt to use the bathroom results in a fire hose-like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid that splashes toilet water all over your ***.
Death sounds pretty good right about now....
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
Oh, I just couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing
Last edited by rufushusky; 07-30-2007 at 05:03 AM.