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Alcohol
Alcohol
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American Liquor Manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all bottles and cans:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends leave.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other people around you without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting pulverized.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol will make you believe that you are tougher, smarter, faster and more handsome than some really, really big guy named TINY.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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