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post #1 of 11 Old 04-16-2009, 05:22 PM Thread Starter
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This is funny

Airline Humor!


It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school
diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots
(marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By
Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget!!

Project Frankenstein


1997 Ford F-350, Dually conversion, Cobra 29 LX CB, 12000 watt converter, All LED lights, TW tunes, 4" DP, Napa Intake and lots of running lights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XPLOSIV View Post
Thanks. I'll give er a good wackin in the morning.
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post #2 of 11 Old 04-16-2009, 05:26 PM
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Man I have been looking for my hammer

06 F-250XLT FX4. AccuFab Elbow, MBRP 4" exhaust w/ no kitty, AMSOIL/Injen Intake, IssPro Gauges in overhead mount, SCT X3 Tuned by Innovative, Edge Insight in dash pod, BYPASS OIL FILTER, ZooDad mod,

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post #3 of 11 Old 04-16-2009, 05:34 PM
PMR = JUNK

 
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Those are funny.

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Quote:
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Yeah, I'd probably feel a bit drained after firing twice in rapid succession.
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post #4 of 11 Old 04-16-2009, 05:53 PM Thread Starter
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Wife found it somewhere!

Project Frankenstein


1997 Ford F-350, Dually conversion, Cobra 29 LX CB, 12000 watt converter, All LED lights, TW tunes, 4" DP, Napa Intake and lots of running lights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XPLOSIV View Post
Thanks. I'll give er a good wackin in the morning.
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post #5 of 11 Old 04-16-2009, 05:56 PM
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post #6 of 11 Old 04-16-2009, 06:23 PM
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hahahaha i love the last one
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post #7 of 11 Old 04-17-2009, 01:07 AM
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I had to forward this to my pilot buddy in the AF.

Please put a light
on the flag you fly at night.


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Muffler delete, superchips, White Tailgate on red truck mod

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post #8 of 11 Old 04-17-2009, 01:51 AM
I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RRonning1984 View Post
Airline Humor!


It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school
diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots
(marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By
Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget!!
THAT IS AWESOME

Kyle

2008 F250 Lariat CC/SB 4X4
COBRA 29LX, Firestiks, Ranch Hands, AmsOil EABP90 bypass filter x 2, Flo-Pro 5" stainless w/ DEI wrapped 4" downpipe, S&B CAI, SCT LiveWire

To install still-AutoMeter 60psi boost gauge, AeroForce Interceptor scan gauge, Flo-Pro EGR delete with stainless elbow with custom welded 1/8 NPT bung, racor ccv4500



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post #9 of 11 Old 04-17-2009, 03:36 AM
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I need that one this morning. TGIF

______________________________
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post #10 of 11 Old 04-19-2009, 07:33 AM Thread Starter
Viking Heavy Diesel

 
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Bumping this up!

Project Frankenstein


1997 Ford F-350, Dually conversion, Cobra 29 LX CB, 12000 watt converter, All LED lights, TW tunes, 4" DP, Napa Intake and lots of running lights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by XPLOSIV View Post
Thanks. I'll give er a good wackin in the morning.
Ryan Rønning is offline  
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