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  #1  
Old 04-16-2009, 06:22 PM
Viking Heavy Diesel

 

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This is funny

Airline Humor!


It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school
diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots
(marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By
Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget!!
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  #2  
Old 04-16-2009, 06:26 PM
Premium Member
 

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Man I have been looking for my hammer
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  #3  
Old 04-16-2009, 06:34 PM
PMR = JUNK

 

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Send a message via AIM to Jake Send a message via Yahoo to Jake
Those are funny.
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  #4  
Old 04-16-2009, 06:53 PM
Viking Heavy Diesel

 

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Wife found it somewhere!
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  #5  
Old 04-16-2009, 06:56 PM
My 6OH Hates Me


 

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  #6  
Old 04-16-2009, 07:23 PM
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hahahaha i love the last one
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  #7  
Old 04-17-2009, 02:07 AM
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I had to forward this to my pilot buddy in the AF.
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  #8  
Old 04-17-2009, 02:51 AM
I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RRonning1984 View Post
Airline Humor!


It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school
diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots
(marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By
Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget!!
THAT IS AWESOME
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  #9  
Old 04-17-2009, 04:36 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

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I need that one this morning. TGIF
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  #10  
Old 04-19-2009, 08:33 AM
Viking Heavy Diesel

 

Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: 34'.6264 -98.4192
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Bumping this up!
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