Powerstroke.org Joke Thread

[Rodslinger]

Just keep 'em within the forum guidelines please.

One of my favorites;

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check.

"There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I switched the heads.

DOH! Now THAT is funny!

[wesjones]

thats pretty funny Rod! heres one...

Jesus and his disciples go to jerusalem and Jesus decides its time for a new wordrobe. One disciple says he knows a good taylor in town who's name is greenberg.

The next day Jesus goes to Greenbergs shop and is fitted for new robes. Jesus notes the craftsmanship of the man and says; "you know, you've got a pretty good deal here, i think we should go into business."

So the two decide to become partners. However, they can't decide on a name. Jesus thought it should be Jesus and Greenberg, and Greenberg thought it should be greenberg and Jesus. Finally they decided on a name for their business, and it stuck; Lord and Taylor.

Kinda corny, but funny i thought...

wes

[mgwerks]

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's hindquarters. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.

[Rodslinger]

VERY corny Wes.

Oh and Mark - that's not a joke it's A TRUE STORY!!!

[ponyboy]

A blind man goes into a tavern, finds the bar, and sits down. When
the bartender comes over and asks what he'd like to drink, the blind man replies,
"I'd like to get a beer and tell blonde joke."

The bartender says, "Well, I'll give you a beer, no problem, but you
should know that I weigh 250 pounds, and I'm a blonde. Also, my brother
is sitting next to you. He's also about 250, and he's blonde too. My
cousin is sitting at the table behind you, he weighs almost 300 pounds,
and he's a blonde. Are you sure you want to tell the blonde joke?"

The blind guy thinks a minute, then says, "Well, I guess I'll have the
beer, but I won't tell the blonde joke."

"Why not?" asks the bartender.


"Well," the blind guy says, "I don't want to have to explain it three
times."

[turbotime]

LOL...you gotta love them blones

oh yeah, I am one!!! Yep, and I live up to 'em too. So here is my blonde joke:

There once was this blonde who was woke up to the sound of the fire alarm going off. Upon getting out of bed she begins to really panick and by the time she calls 911 and tells them about the fire, she is really freaking out.

"MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE! MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!! HURRY UP AND GET OVER HERE!" screams the blonde.

"Calm down maam! You need to tell us how to get there," explains the operator.

The blonde replies, "THE BIG RED TRUCK, DUH!!!"

[F-350MAN]

big red truck that was funny!!


o.k. three guys on a deserted island they were on the beach and a lamp washed up. So they cleaned it up and out comes a genie he says "thank you i only have 3 wishes so i'll grant each one of you 1 wish... 1st guy says Oh boy! I wish I was home with my family eating a huge hot meal and we were millionaires!!...POOF, he was gone..

second guy "wow that sounds great i wish the same for me and my family!"...POOF he was gone



third guy " man i don't know?????????? but it sure is gonna be boring around here I wish those two guys were back"

[Rodslinger]

LOL! Was the guy on the island blonde by chance. No offense Turbo!

[power95]

this one is kinda long but once u get to the end it was worth it

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
12) Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 10.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00

But, you have the satisfaction of knowing the job was done right...

[Rodslinger]

ROFLMAO!!! NICE!!!