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  #1  
Old 04-01-2008, 05:30 PM
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Disorder in the

These are from a book called Disorder in the
American Courts, and are things people actually said
in court, word for word, taken down and nowe
published by court reporters who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place.



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.


ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,
how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
taken?

WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid!

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.


ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people. Would you like to rephrase that?

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p. m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?

________________________________________________

--- And the best for last: ---



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in
a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.
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  #2  
Old 04-01-2008, 05:37 PM
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haha wow those are hilarious, some people really should never be attorneys
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  #3  
Old 04-01-2008, 05:39 PM
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THats F**KING funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-01-2008, 05:42 PM
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wow, thanks for that laugh.... I love that people had come backs in court..
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Old 04-22-2008, 07:22 PM
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i almost fell of my chair. I scared my dog awake. That was hilarious!!
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  #6  
Old 04-22-2008, 07:27 PM
im fat and ugly


 
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those will make anybody chuckle
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