Why cats are better than dogs - Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum
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post #1 of 10 Old 04-01-2008, 06:29 PM Thread Starter
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Why cats are better than dogs

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the dammn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little baastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.

-Cody-

02' 7.3 Ext. cab Short bed Lariat
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post #2 of 10 Old 04-02-2008, 06:39 AM
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That is awesome! Had to wipe tears from eyes while reading!
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post #3 of 10 Old 04-02-2008, 06:51 AM
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Totally true.

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6500 Watt Diesel Generator on board
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All Diesel
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All Day
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post #4 of 10 Old 04-02-2008, 06:59 AM
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Holy crap that is so true!

Michael
Aim/Yahoo: rednekcowboi01

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FUTURE MODS: Isspro trans EGT and volt gauges, ARP head studs, ???

Parts replaced so far: Oil cooler X2
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, EGR cooler, ...no more please!
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post #5 of 10 Old 04-02-2008, 07:11 AM
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That is exactly how it is.
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post #6 of 10 Old 04-02-2008, 07:15 AM
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hilarious!!!!

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post #7 of 10 Old 04-02-2008, 07:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanna6powerstroke View Post
That is awesome! Had to wipe tears from eyes while reading!
i did too, just great!!!

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post #8 of 10 Old 04-03-2008, 07:12 PM
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Great story.

Rodney

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post #9 of 10 Old 04-03-2008, 07:43 PM
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That's why I do not have CATS. To much attitude.


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post #10 of 10 Old 04-28-2008, 12:56 AM
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that is soo true!!! LOL best way is to stick the pill to a pencil with petroleum jelly and shove it down their throat.

LOL velveta cheese, hot dogs, justy about any thing works great to give a dog a pill.



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