Why cats are better than dogs - Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum
Humor Jokes, Darwin Awards, Funny Vids and Pics - Keep 'em within the Powerstroke.org conduct

Powerstroke.org is the premier Diesel Truck Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-01-2008, 05:29 PM
Premium Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Vienna, VA
Posts: 469
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
Why cats are better than dogs

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the dammn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little baastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2  
Old 04-02-2008, 05:39 AM
Illiana Chapter Director

 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bloomington, IN.
Posts: 12,325
Thanks: 5
Thanked 84 Times in 79 Posts
Feedback Score: 2 reviews
That is awesome! Had to wipe tears from eyes while reading!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #3  
Old 04-02-2008, 05:51 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: San Diego
Posts: 3,151
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Totally true.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #4  
Old 04-02-2008, 05:59 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 1,010
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via AIM to rednek01 Send a message via Yahoo to rednek01
Holy crap that is so true!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #5  
Old 04-02-2008, 06:11 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 1,527
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
That is exactly how it is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #6  
Old 04-02-2008, 06:15 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: N. Illinois
Posts: 318
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
hilarious!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #7  
Old 04-02-2008, 06:44 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: College Station, TX
Posts: 167
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhanna6powerstroke View Post
That is awesome! Had to wipe tears from eyes while reading!
i did too, just great!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #8  
Old 04-03-2008, 06:12 PM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Wasco, CA
Posts: 433
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Great story.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #9  
Old 04-03-2008, 06:43 PM
Emergency Services
 

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Paris, Arkansas
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
That's why I do not have CATS. To much attitude.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #10  
Old 04-27-2008, 11:56 PM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: lewiston, Id.
Posts: 5,008
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
that is soo true!!! LOL best way is to stick the pill to a pencil with petroleum jelly and shove it down their throat.

LOL velveta cheese, hot dogs, justy about any thing works great to give a dog a pill.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:04 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.1
Garage Plus, Vendor Tools vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.

vB.Sponsors