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  #1  
Old 12-22-2007, 11:14 AM
Rob Rob is offline
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the snow shoveler

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 -
6:00 PM It started to snow. The first
snow of the season and the wife and I took our
****tails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we
felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!


December 9-
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal
white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely
place in the whole world? Moving here was the best
idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
perfect life!


December 12-
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment! Myneighbor tells me not to
worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No
snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll
never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our
neighbor.



December 14-
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes
everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back
this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so much.


December 15-
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a
wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.


December 16-
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt
on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt
like heck. The wife laughed for an hour, which I
think was very cruel.


December 17-
Still way below freezing. Roads are too
icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing
to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate
her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my
own living room.



December 20-
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of
the dang stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The dang snowplow came by twice. Tried to find
a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called
the only hardware store around to see about buying a
snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and
bill me. I think he's lying.


December 22-
Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today,
and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time
I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too
tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on
his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
he's too busy. I think the idiot is lying.



December 23-
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it
warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the
front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.


December 24-
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If
I ever catch the creep who drives that snow plow, I'll
drag him through the snow by his feet and beat him
to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws
snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents, but I was too busy watching for the
dang snowplow.


December 25-
Merry freaking Christmas! 20 more inches
of the dang slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of
shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a
fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm
going to stuff her into the microwave.


December 26-
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever
move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting
on my nerves.


December 27-
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes
froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for
him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my
pipes.


December 28-
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in.
The WOMAN is driving me crazy!!!

December 29-
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof
or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I
ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30-
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow
driver, and now he is suing me for a million
dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also
for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his
rear. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more
inches predicted.


December 31-
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling!


January 8-
Feel so good. I just love those little
white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to
the bed?
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  #2  
Old 12-22-2007, 11:35 AM
duct tape & zip ties

 

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I can relate to this. That was a great thing to read. Made me laugh thanks for sharing.
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  #3  
Old 12-22-2007, 11:46 AM
Desert Shield/Storm Vet

 

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Yeah I call that the grey look!!! It lasts about 6 months here in the U.P. We each take turns going on suicide watch!!!
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  #4  
Old 12-22-2007, 12:11 PM
I don't know nuttin....

 

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LMAO...thats a goodun!
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  #5  
Old 12-27-2007, 01:03 PM
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I think ida quit shoveling snow by about the 9th. LOL
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  #6  
Old 12-29-2007, 05:42 AM
Compression Ignition Addict
 

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lol... thats almost not quite right for Utah... its more like snowed for two days straight and got to -5, the next day it warmed up to 50 degress and melted everything, that night the low was -3 and turned everything to an ice skating rink, it snowed 1 inch hiding it all... the next day its 45 degrees....and so on... lol or like earlier this year. it snowed and the next week it was 65 degrees.... anyway, great post.
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