Where are the Americans?

[igoslow]

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
"Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me
housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !" The person says "I no American, I
Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America !"
That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East , I am not an
American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia !" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are
all the Americans?"
The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says...

"Probably at work!"

[igoslow]

**INTERNATIONAL THINKING**

**AT ITS BEST!**

*
*
*_ Question:_ What is the truest definition of Globalization?

_ Answer:_ Princess Diana's death.

_ Question:_ How come?

_ Answer:_ An English princess

with an Egyptian boyfriend*

* crashes in a French tunnel,*

* driving a German car*

* with a Dutch engine,*

* driven by a Belgian who was drunk*

* on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)*

* followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,*

* on Japanese motorcycles;*

* treated by an American doctor,*

* using Brazilian medicines.*

* This is sent to you by an American,*

* using Bill Gate's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,*

* that use Taiwanese chips,*

* and a Korean monitor,*

* assembled by Bangladeshi workers*

* in a **Singapore** plant,*

* transported by Indian lorry-drivers,*

* hijacked by Indonesians,*

* unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,*

* and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....*

* That, my friends, is Globalization*

[igoslow]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and
says "hello".

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher.

[Logan]

Sad but true

[igoslow]

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a
living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor,lawyer, and so forth.

But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher
prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay
cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money
in his underwear.Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with
some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him,

"Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the
Democratic National Committee and is helping to secure the nomination of Hilary
Clinton, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

[rankroddin250]

the first one was great. ive herd the second one but its still funny

[Logan]

Oh man, you are killing me

[rankroddin250]

Originally Posted by igoslow

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a
living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor,lawyer, and so forth.

But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher
prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay
cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money
in his underwear.Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with
some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him,

"Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the
Democratic National Committee and is helping to secure the nomination of Hilary
Clinton, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

my dads a gay stripper/prostitute hillary clinton? Lifes a b*tch dont vote for one.

[MrJohnWayne]

Good ones JW!

Being from MN I can defenatly agree with that!