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  #1  
Old 01-03-2013, 07:08 AM
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A few laughs

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning;
can you believe that......... 2:30am ?!#%!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know ?
He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is building up !"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice ! !
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my *** !
Do you think I should change dentists ?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.
He says what do you expect ? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening. "

The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
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  #2  
Old 01-03-2013, 07:13 AM
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lol
funny stuff
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  #3  
Old 01-03-2013, 07:36 AM
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#7 is great
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