How To Start A Fight - Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum
Humor Jokes, Darwin Awards, Funny Vids and Pics - Keep 'em within the conduct

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 3 Old 03-06-2012, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
Compression Ignition Addict
MountainStangs's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sparks, Nevada
Posts: 260
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
How To Start A Fight


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as

a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while

we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school

reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his

drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since."

"Oh my!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting

to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had

something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,

making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she

thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall

grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing

scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into

the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again

I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the

grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my

lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the

boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential

downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the

garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather

would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different

anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is


My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my

stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming


She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply

for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to

verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at

home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have

to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for

me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at

the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped

your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you

to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

2004 Ford F-250 Lariat Edition FX4 6.0
Edge Juice Platinum with Attitude
AEM Brute Force Cold Air Intake
PHP Atlas 40 Tuned FICM
EGR Delete, Oil Cooler
Straight Exhaust, 6" Stack
8" Fabtech Lift
38x15.50r18 Toyo MT's
Ion 171 Wheels
LED Running Lights
Cobra Chrome CB, Dual 63" Wilson 2000's
Peterbilt Emblem
Cow Bell
Few Other Custom Details

171,00 Miles


MountainStangs is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 3 Old 03-06-2012, 05:46 PM
Premium Member

Six0~Stroker's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Spokane, WA
Posts: 19,697
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 33 Post(s)
Thanks: 94
Thanked 166 Times in 156 Posts
Feedback Score: 5 reviews

Sent from my DROIDX using App

Reside in Wa/Or? Check out these links!

Cascade Coal Rollers
CCR Chat

05 F250 KR CCSB

Studded and Deleted
175/30% Injectors from WARREN DIESEL!!
Barder Stage 2 Turbo
Warren Comp Tranny w/ PI TC

Six0~Stroker is offline  
post #3 of 3 Old 03-06-2012, 05:49 PM
Don't mind me

westcoaststrokin's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Silverdale, WA
Posts: 27,590
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks: 6
Thanked 19 Times in 14 Posts
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Send a message via Skype™ to westcoaststrokin



"Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it." House M.D.
westcoaststrokin is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Ford Powerstroke Diesel Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome