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  #1  
Old 09-11-2007, 08:49 AM
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Talking redneck jokes (never get old)



You might be a Redneck...

if you've ever vacationed in a rest area.

if your belt buckle is bigger than your head.

if you think paprika is a third-world country.

if you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".

if your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.

if your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.

if going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.

if bikers back down from your mama

if your bicycle has a gun rack.

if after removing the empty beer cans from your car you find you get fifteen more miles to the gallon.

if directions to your house include "turn off the paved road"

if you wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.

if you actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.

if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has a opening on the lube rack.

if the neighbors have ever asked to borrow the light bulb.

if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

if your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

if you have a rag for a gas cap.

if you hold a frog and it worries about getting warts.

if you have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.

if you've ever lost your wife in a poker game.

if you offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:13 AM
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lol...............................
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:27 AM
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LOL thats funny!!!!!!!
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:29 AM
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I loooove Jeff Foxworthy!!! (not that way)
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:33 AM
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good one very funny and true they never get old
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:55 AM
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You might be a redneck with money if:


1. You just got your new Git R Done windsheild banner for your Bentley Flying Spur.

2. You have your private jet painted like the General Lee.

3. You can buy Skoal by the truckload.

4. The Klampits are your idols.(Beverly Hillbillies)
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:56 AM
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This is my OWN list, hope no one takes offense I thought they were funny!


If you identify with most of that list!

If you cannot go to fourth grade because your daddy is still there!

If you get sent home from second grade for not shaving!

If your idea if fun is dumping coal on your fellow commuters!

If your idea of an economy car is a BIG, LOUD, SMOKING A$$ Truck!

If you park said truck on top of your neighbors toyota because mower was in your spot!

If you belong to a whole website full of backsward A$$ hillbilly, country redneck, N#T Scratching, BUBBA's that is dedicated to BIG,LOUD,SMOKEY A$$ trucks.

If your dogs name is dog, but it is a three syllable name.

If you answer Willie Nelson when asked who your favorite classical singer is!

If you have ever used a garden hose to clean the inside of your truck!

If you yell at your wife for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, and now you have no where to P33!

If you give your kids money for helping around the house, and steal it back at night!

If you are a two truck family!

If you wash your hands and find some missing gloves!

If you rate your friendships by who serves the best beer!

If you think ADD is a new FANCY type of math!

If you would like new underwear, socks and toilet paper, but you are saving for a new mod on your rig!

If you can list all of your rigs mods, but forget your own birthday!

If your friend asks "hows that woman of yours" and your reply is "Good, She just had an oil change, and routine maintenance last week"

If you think "Down on all fours" is 4Lo!

If you brag about having 4" with a 5" tip!

If you BRAG about 6" of lift!

If the "You might be a redneck IF" Jokes are more of an autobiography than a joke!

that is all for now!!! Enjoy!


Last edited by robertcarmel; 09-11-2007 at 11:02 AM.
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  #8  
Old 09-11-2007, 10:55 AM
duct tape & zip ties

 

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If your riding mower has a beer cooler attached to it.
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