Wife Vs Husband

[Goose]

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

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Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."

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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet, why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Stress Reliever
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

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Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

[vitalidle]

Good ones

[owtcast]

When people ask me and my wife how long we have been married I have a simple response with a smile.

"It only feels like 5 minutes .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....UNDERWATER!"

[Goose]

LMAO good one buddy

[SCUFFY828]

my wife always asks me why i dont do some of the things i used to do when we were dating , now that weve been married for 11 years i dont do this or i dont do that, i tell her we can go back to dating and i never get a response , go figure

[owtcast]

Pffftt! I'm gonna use that one tonight! Thanks

[MustangInfinity8]

hahahahafreakinha lol.... those were pretty good

[lifewitlooie]

Moral is: If u like doing whatever you want. Dont get married

[Goose]

Its not all that bad is it???

[sea71]

The grass is truly Greener on the other side of the fence!!