Pilot Gripe Sheet

[DIESEL RACER]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in ****pit.
Engineers: Something tightened in ****pit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in ****pit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

[bigcountrysg]

That right there is funny. I am glad my work orders on my truck don't come back like that.

[StarDriver]

I've seen those before.

I was on a flight once and the pilot cam over and said they were having problems with a guage and were having a tech look at it. 5 minutes later he comes back and says that it is fixed, which means they hit it and it started to work.

[klbelttx]

That is the funniest thing I've read in months!

On my first ever commercial flight in 1988 I boarded the plane in Houston. It backed up a few feet, then stopped. The pilot told everyone that we had a hydraulic problem and the techs were coming to fix it.I watched out the window as two guys on a lift worked under the right wing. They pulled out a hydraulic pump the size of a 7.3, and replaced it with another. We were taking off less than thirty minutes from the pilots announcement! I was scared s***less! I wanted to yell at the techs "Take your time! We're in no hurry!"

[lifewitlooie]

lol i wish u could actually do that.

[Rob]

i think i read those 8 years ago when i first joined the Air Force. they are funny!!!!