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post #1 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 05:49 AM Thread Starter
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Guides to english

THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

THE ANSWER TO A FEMALE SAYING "WHAT'S WRONG?".....

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt

I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam


THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

"I'm tired" = I'm tired

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex now

"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!
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post #2 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 05:52 AM
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Good one!

2002 F-250 4x4 EC, SRW, SB
Auto 93,000 miles
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post #3 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 05:53 AM
Let's Run'em


 
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Hahahahaha.......ain't that the truth

-Julian
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post #4 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 06:27 AM
Thats Mr. Oil Leak.....

 
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So true!! haha

John Wayne
Owner and Operator of the
REDNECK VALDEZ
You can find me on FaceBook
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post #5 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 06:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DIESEL RACER View Post
THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

THE ANSWER TO A FEMALE SAYING "WHAT'S WRONG?".....

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt

I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam


THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

"I'm tired" = I'm tired

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex now

"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!
I think that is just the Pocket Guide version!!!! In the full version there is more about the guys wanting SEX!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cchase View Post
Do you know what the hardest part of driving a dodge is? Telling your parents that your gay.
Sold the truck to help pay $1.5M in medical bills! Now I have a F150 6cyl that is slower and gets worse mileage
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post #6 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 06:41 AM
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Thumbs up

That is good, I have one that needs to be in THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH.

"I don't know if I want to ..." =Can't you see, I made up my mind.

Jeff
2001 CTD, QC, 4x4, auto, short box, Just say no to drums

2002 Jetta TDI, auto
2009 Jetta TDE, 6 speeed

My truck smokes, must be broken!
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post #7 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 11:51 AM
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That stuff is pretty real!

:burnout :burnout :burnout



2005 XLT 4x4 Crew Cab 6.0. Torqshift Auto. Arizona Beige.
Mods - 4" FBD Turbo-Back Exhaust with Free-flow Muffler. Power Intake Elbow from Dfuser. Bug Shield. Vent Shades. Aries Step Bars. Custom heavy-duty floor mats. High Idle Mod (great!).
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post #8 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 07:59 PM
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Fella's; since there are visiters of the other species on this site at times, I am not even going to comment on these defininitions. Leastwise that they may find out who I am. But you did forget one about listening. It usually starts out: Do you hear me? You answer: Yes, I hear you. Then comes the question. But are you listening to me? At that point its all over but her shouting!
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post #9 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 08:12 PM
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I love this one:
Guy - "Baby, what do you wanna do?"
Girl - "I don't care" (Which we all know really means "You have to guess exactly what I want to do, and I'm not going to tell you. If your wrong, it's all over buddy!")


DITTY

Brisco:-White 2000 F-350 PSD CrewCab/SRW/LongBed/4x4/6spd Manual/HUGE Powerstroke.Org Vinals!

Favorite Mods: Baby-seat mod/Girlfriend delete/6pos on Xtreme!

Repairs since bought: both batteries/alternator/3 transmissions/4 clutches/entire front axle/new steering stabilizer/power steering pump

Still broken: cracked windshield/all glowplugs/glowplug relay/4WD still out/trailer harness no power

Current Best: 16.149@84.13MPH (Est.7800lbs)
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post #10 of 12 Old 08-17-2007, 08:19 PM
im fat and ugly


 
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true true and true

2004 Excursion
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