HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns &Ammo magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Bertha, Duke, Slim &I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.