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  #1  
Old 02-09-2011, 06:47 AM
Retired Coastie

 

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Shipwrecked

A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those “feelings” again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, “Take the dog for a walk.”
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  #2  
Old 02-09-2011, 06:52 AM
Almostdunfukinwidit


 

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  #3  
Old 02-09-2011, 06:54 AM
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Now that there is funny Chief,
I saw this one yesterday......
Subject: The $50 Lesson


I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be the President of the United States. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked her, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people!"

Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
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  #4  
Old 02-09-2011, 07:35 AM
ARMY MOM!!!!
 

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BOTH of those are hysterical, thanks for the morning laugh,
I am sending the republican one to some friends, they will love it
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  #5  
Old 02-09-2011, 07:37 AM
Serving Our Country!
 

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those are both good ones
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  #6  
Old 02-09-2011, 07:43 AM
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Those are great!!!

Definitely sending those on!
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