Chuck Norris FACTS

[cblackb]

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.


James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.


The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.


In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.


Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.


Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.


While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.


Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.


Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"


In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.


Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.


The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.


Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.


Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.


As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.


'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.


Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

[bigwes]

good stuff

[stump0331]

LMFAO

[MrJohnWayne]

Those are good but here are a few of my favorites.

Chuck Norris invented the c-section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers womb.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris.

If the power of one Chuck Norris roundhouse could be tapped it could power the entire continent of Australia for 7 minutes.

[johnroach100]

Pretty good, a few new ones. I like it.

[Rob]

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

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Last edited by Rob : 04-14-2007 at 05:48 AM.

[straycat]

WOW, you guys need to get out more often hahaha.