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post #1 of 5 Old 07-20-2009, 07:51 AM Thread Starter

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New employee program effective immediately

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on
early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program
(Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many times as Management
deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get
AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as
much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T it
gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your
Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T
you can handle.



P..S. Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market
conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

2011 F150 Ecoboost Crew cab lariat. Custom tunes from KEM and 5Star
2012 F150 Crew Cab Ecoboost stock for now-Totaled March 12 2015
2006 F250 ECSB Lariat 4x4

Leveling kit, 315/70/17 Kelly TSRs on Method race wheels
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post #2 of 5 Old 07-20-2009, 07:58 AM
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Sadly, that sounds 'bout right!!!

Owner / Operator: Darryl
My Truck: 2001 F350 | 7.3L PSD | 4R100 | Crew Cab | Long Bed | 4x4 - 222,000 miles - 10 Years of ownership
Mods: Autometer Z-series Gauges | K&N GenII FIPK | MBRP 4" TB Exhaust | Hypertech PP3 | Toyo OC ATII (LT285/75R16 "E") | SilverStar 9007/9145 | Dura-Flap Mud Flaps
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post #3 of 5 Old 07-20-2009, 06:42 PM
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Also,the owners of vehicles in the parking lot with Obama bumper stickers are the first to be laid off also.

2006 F-350 4X4 FX4 Tuscany Longhorn , Leer Custom bed cap, RECON lights, Upfitter switches, Whelen Lighting, Hi-Idle Mod.

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post #4 of 5 Old 07-20-2009, 06:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Ianstew
There is a difference in a government acting responsibly within their powers, and a government that just decides what their powers are and what responsibility means based on political whimsy.
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post #5 of 5 Old 07-20-2009, 06:55 PM

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Thats Great.


2011 F250 Crew Cab FX4

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