New employee program effective immediately

[Dave]

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on
early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program
(Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many times as Management
deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get
AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as
much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T it
gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your
Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T
you can handle.

Sincerely,

Management


P..S. Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market
conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

[SuperCrutyPS]

Sadly, that sounds 'bout right!!!

[StarDriver]

Also,the owners of vehicles in the parking lot with Obama bumper stickers are the first to be laid off also.

[ianstew]

[sea71]

Thats Great.